I Found a Giant Kidney Bean and it Ate Chicago!

CHICAGO, ILLINOIS 

Chicago, oh man, Chicago.  Honestly probably the most exhilarating part of my trip so far simply because it was the first place I traveled to entirely alone (went there by myself and didn't know anyone in the city.)  It was also the first stop on my trip that I had never been to before.  Chicago is a place I have wanted to go to for a long time.  I've had a few friends who have spent excessive amounts of time there who all came back with raving reviews and I was eager to see for myself.  Let me start of by saying this: Chicago is fucking CLEAN.  Maybe not in the same way Duxbury or Shelton WA are clean but after spending so much time in giant cities like LA or NYC (see pic below of subway train dragging 20+ carts of garbage behind it on trash night) Chicago was fucking pristine.  Basically, from what I could see, the dirtiest, most unreliable things about other cities are the things that work best there.  Sanitation, public transit that is not only smooth, clean, and efficient but runs EVERYWHERE, etc etc.  I feel like it is as close as I have ever seen to a city that is actually handling its shit right.  Or at least trying to and not failing miserably and alarmingly.  Many many kudos to Chicago.

Millennium Park:

Hands down one of the best parks I have ever been to because there is literally no shortage of interesting things to see/do and that list of interesting things spans the spectrum of versatility at an impressive rate.  I guess the best place to start would be the park itself.  Acres and acre of sprawling lawns, courtyards, gardens and shaded walks make it an ideal place to spend a relaxing afternoon.  I, myself, spent a good hour browsing the area and chilling on park benches listening to showtunes and had an exceptional time.  If that weren't enough, speckled throughout the park are some truly incredible sculptures and architectural structures.  A giant red T-Rex and a Frank Gehry amphitheater that looks like the lovechild of the Disney Concert Hall and the Hollywood Bowl are just the tip of the artistic iceberg.  Actually, I am pretty sure some city official was just like "hey Frank Gehry, here's this giant park that is severely lacking in badass epic sculptures and structures.  Help us fix this"  to which Frank Gehry was like "NICE SCORE" because this park is pretty filled with his work.  Besides the aforementioned hybrid theater there is a giant winding bridge that connects the park to a smaller one across the freeway and a sweeping lawn covered with a net-like series of metal poles.  For me though, the thing to see is in AT and T plaza and is what I consider the pinnacle of sculpture work: the giant metal Kidney Bean.  Basically it is exactly what it sounds like, a ridiculously large kidney bean shaped sculpture in the middle of the park square made out of highly reflective metal.  I have also heard "world's largest drop of mercury" "The Bean" and "Clouds Gate" (I think that is its official name) but I call it "AWESOME."   Seeing it in person is a pretty indescribable experience and the reflective images its surface creates are nothing short of breathtaking.  Go see it, go see it now, go see it on massive amounts of hallucinogens (maybe.)  It'll either change your life or destroy it.  I think its worth the gamble.  

Art Institute of Chicago:

4 giant floors of basically every art movement ever witnessed including the original Sunday in the Park (as seen in Ferris Bueller), an array of Van Goghs, Picassos, and a pretty damn impressive collection of surrealist artwork from the likes of Dali and Magritte, which for a surrealism buff like myself, was nothing short of orgasmic.  Also if you venture down into the basement levels of the museum there is a room full of miniatures depicting residential rooms from America and Europe in the 18-1900s.  The detail-work is borderline ridiculous and you can see the letters OCD blaring from every tiny surface (apparently one of the creators was so precise on details she demanded that the wood used for the mini-furniture be the of the exact same grain/type as their full-sized counterparts, only scaled down appropriately.)  That being said, they were some of the most breathtaking creations I have seen in a long while.  You literally felt like you were being sucked in through the glass window into the room and were sitting on one of the brocade couches, feeling a gentle breeze play across your face from the open sunlit balcony.  I don't know if this is a permanent exhibit or not but if you get a chance to see it you will be impressed.  Especially if you are as impatient and clumsy as I am.  

Blue Man Group:

3 men in black covered in blue latex paint performing sets of stunning and hilarious improv, pantomiming, drumming, and physical sketch comedy.  All comprised with massive amounts of glow paint, strobe lights, LCD screens, and toilet paper.  Also they/the entire audience sung me happy birthday because an LCD screen told them to.  I was born in June.  Also also, the theater/lobby itself is ludicrously epic and looks like the interior of the ships in Alien.  Money and an evening well spent indeed.  

Second City Improv:

Where the likes of Tina Fey got their professional start.  I decided to catch a show here for the comedy project and was very pleasantly surprised.  The show itself was called the Absolute Best Friggin' Time of Your Life and while I wouldn't necessarily go quite that far, (Jesus Factory Week, Fellowship, month-long travel pass etc etc) it was definitely A good friggin' time of my life.  The general format of the show was an interesting one: throw musical theater, old school improv, stand up comedy, and short pantomiming sketch scenes into a giant gold cauldron, stir occasionally, sprinkle with a dash of E and serve warm.  Bonus: all the comedians could actually sing.  Always a refreshing thing.  

So Chicago, pretty amazing city.  Sad I didn't get to spend more time there.  It should also be noted that there was a bar in my hotel called the Big Bar, famous for serving stupidly large portions of everything, including drinks.  Seriously, I passed by a couple sharing a martini the size of of large vase.  If I had wanted to hammer the final nail into my alcoholic coffin and put my liver to eternal rest, I would have gone there and tried it out for myself.  However, one person+drink the size of my torso+early morning flight out of Chicago doesn't look good no matter which way you turn it.  Sad face.  

All that being said.  I did fail on one entirely epic level.  I did not eat deep dish pizza.  I didn't even think of it until I saw like 4 places selling it at the airport.  At least hold off the stoning until I finish this blog?

Next up: NYC round 3