I Found a Giant Kidney Bean and it Ate Chicago!

CHICAGO, ILLINOIS 

Chicago, oh man, Chicago.  Honestly probably the most exhilarating part of my trip so far simply because it was the first place I traveled to entirely alone (went there by myself and didn't know anyone in the city.)  It was also the first stop on my trip that I had never been to before.  Chicago is a place I have wanted to go to for a long time.  I've had a few friends who have spent excessive amounts of time there who all came back with raving reviews and I was eager to see for myself.  Let me start of by saying this: Chicago is fucking CLEAN.  Maybe not in the same way Duxbury or Shelton WA are clean but after spending so much time in giant cities like LA or NYC (see pic below of subway train dragging 20+ carts of garbage behind it on trash night) Chicago was fucking pristine.  Basically, from what I could see, the dirtiest, most unreliable things about other cities are the things that work best there.  Sanitation, public transit that is not only smooth, clean, and efficient but runs EVERYWHERE, etc etc.  I feel like it is as close as I have ever seen to a city that is actually handling its shit right.  Or at least trying to and not failing miserably and alarmingly.  Many many kudos to Chicago.

Millennium Park:

Hands down one of the best parks I have ever been to because there is literally no shortage of interesting things to see/do and that list of interesting things spans the spectrum of versatility at an impressive rate.  I guess the best place to start would be the park itself.  Acres and acre of sprawling lawns, courtyards, gardens and shaded walks make it an ideal place to spend a relaxing afternoon.  I, myself, spent a good hour browsing the area and chilling on park benches listening to showtunes and had an exceptional time.  If that weren't enough, speckled throughout the park are some truly incredible sculptures and architectural structures.  A giant red T-Rex and a Frank Gehry amphitheater that looks like the lovechild of the Disney Concert Hall and the Hollywood Bowl are just the tip of the artistic iceberg.  Actually, I am pretty sure some city official was just like "hey Frank Gehry, here's this giant park that is severely lacking in badass epic sculptures and structures.  Help us fix this"  to which Frank Gehry was like "NICE SCORE" because this park is pretty filled with his work.  Besides the aforementioned hybrid theater there is a giant winding bridge that connects the park to a smaller one across the freeway and a sweeping lawn covered with a net-like series of metal poles.  For me though, the thing to see is in AT and T plaza and is what I consider the pinnacle of sculpture work: the giant metal Kidney Bean.  Basically it is exactly what it sounds like, a ridiculously large kidney bean shaped sculpture in the middle of the park square made out of highly reflective metal.  I have also heard "world's largest drop of mercury" "The Bean" and "Clouds Gate" (I think that is its official name) but I call it "AWESOME."   Seeing it in person is a pretty indescribable experience and the reflective images its surface creates are nothing short of breathtaking.  Go see it, go see it now, go see it on massive amounts of hallucinogens (maybe.)  It'll either change your life or destroy it.  I think its worth the gamble.  

Art Institute of Chicago:

4 giant floors of basically every art movement ever witnessed including the original Sunday in the Park (as seen in Ferris Bueller), an array of Van Goghs, Picassos, and a pretty damn impressive collection of surrealist artwork from the likes of Dali and Magritte, which for a surrealism buff like myself, was nothing short of orgasmic.  Also if you venture down into the basement levels of the museum there is a room full of miniatures depicting residential rooms from America and Europe in the 18-1900s.  The detail-work is borderline ridiculous and you can see the letters OCD blaring from every tiny surface (apparently one of the creators was so precise on details she demanded that the wood used for the mini-furniture be the of the exact same grain/type as their full-sized counterparts, only scaled down appropriately.)  That being said, they were some of the most breathtaking creations I have seen in a long while.  You literally felt like you were being sucked in through the glass window into the room and were sitting on one of the brocade couches, feeling a gentle breeze play across your face from the open sunlit balcony.  I don't know if this is a permanent exhibit or not but if you get a chance to see it you will be impressed.  Especially if you are as impatient and clumsy as I am.  

Blue Man Group:

3 men in black covered in blue latex paint performing sets of stunning and hilarious improv, pantomiming, drumming, and physical sketch comedy.  All comprised with massive amounts of glow paint, strobe lights, LCD screens, and toilet paper.  Also they/the entire audience sung me happy birthday because an LCD screen told them to.  I was born in June.  Also also, the theater/lobby itself is ludicrously epic and looks like the interior of the ships in Alien.  Money and an evening well spent indeed.  

Second City Improv:

Where the likes of Tina Fey got their professional start.  I decided to catch a show here for the comedy project and was very pleasantly surprised.  The show itself was called the Absolute Best Friggin' Time of Your Life and while I wouldn't necessarily go quite that far, (Jesus Factory Week, Fellowship, month-long travel pass etc etc) it was definitely A good friggin' time of my life.  The general format of the show was an interesting one: throw musical theater, old school improv, stand up comedy, and short pantomiming sketch scenes into a giant gold cauldron, stir occasionally, sprinkle with a dash of E and serve warm.  Bonus: all the comedians could actually sing.  Always a refreshing thing.  

So Chicago, pretty amazing city.  Sad I didn't get to spend more time there.  It should also be noted that there was a bar in my hotel called the Big Bar, famous for serving stupidly large portions of everything, including drinks.  Seriously, I passed by a couple sharing a martini the size of of large vase.  If I had wanted to hammer the final nail into my alcoholic coffin and put my liver to eternal rest, I would have gone there and tried it out for myself.  However, one person+drink the size of my torso+early morning flight out of Chicago doesn't look good no matter which way you turn it.  Sad face.  

All that being said.  I did fail on one entirely epic level.  I did not eat deep dish pizza.  I didn't even think of it until I saw like 4 places selling it at the airport.  At least hold off the stoning until I finish this blog?

Next up: NYC round 3 

AYCJ: the Family Tour

BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS 

That's a little inaccurate, I didn't go into Boston during the time I was there except to drive through it and the airport.  The place I DID stay is called Duxbury and it is about 30-45 min outside of Boston.  But see, Boston is a place you guys all easily recognize.  If I'd said Duxbury you all would have thought I'd gone insane(-er) with the strains of mass-travel and started referring to ducks as a location.  Or that I had, in reality, run out of real places to go and was just starting to make cities up to seem proactive with my pass.  Poorly.  But no, I say that I was staying in Boston and you guys can't all point your middle fingers at me and call me insane and lazy so HEY BLOG READERS.  I, Mika, am staying in Boston which is really about 40 minutes out of Boston in the middle of a forest.  

I just re-read this and realized that it is doing just about everything but proving my sanity and legitimacy.  

ANYWAYS

So "Boston" is a really badass place for a couple of reasons.  One: it is where my aunt, uncle, and cousin live and they are awesome people with an awesome house that has home grown grapes, a fish pond, with giant frogs in the backyard and Rockband in the living room.  Two:  It is, in general, an awesome place with a local ice cream parlor that makes homemade daily flavors, beautiful scenic  views, and at night there is literal peace and quiet.  Seriously, no street lights, no traffic, no bells chiming at odd insomniac hours...darkness and silence.  Awesome.  Duxbury (Boston, keep up) is another place from my childhood where the idea of a backyard with no hourly passing 256 bus below it was entirely baffling.  I have this theory that higher powers have made it so that I can only go back there during the peaking popularity of a major media/pop culture event.  Gamecube, Rockband, DDR, and the Spice Girls are a few that come to mind.  Point being, a lot of really enthusiastic and embarrassing concerts and gamer marathons went on in Duxbury over the past 15 or so years and I guess when the next big thing like the Google Car or telekinetic gaming comes out I'll know it is time to go back.  Looking forward to it.  

Salem, Mass:

About an hour north of Boston, (real Boston) this is probably one of the most epic little towns I have ever been to.  It is a town famous for the witch trials and hunts that used to occur back in the day and to this day, the residents continue to take that to heart.  A few generations of proud enthusiasm later and you have a town that starts celebrating Halloween with fervor a good month and a half before October 31st, has not lost its cobble-stoned streets or ye ol'e wooden pubs, and boasts enough paranormal occult, voodoo, Wiccan, and magic shops to make Starbuck's marketing team cream themselves.  It also has a really nice art museum with a large collection of nautical and japanese art.  I spent around 5 hours in this city and I saw a wonderful classical concert, ate fried pickles for the first time, drank beer out of a goblet, and met a Wiccan high priest who looked a lot like Sweeney Todd.  Guys, go to Salem.  You will not regret it. 

Scallop Festival:

I don't exactly remember where it is but it was about a 20 min drive out of Duxbury by a really cool bridge/harbor.  But that's not important.  What is important is that there is a festival. devoted. entirely. to. SCALLOPS.  Maybe that doesn't sound appealing to some people, but to someone who could eat PF Chang's kung pao scallops on a bi-weekly basis, this is a big and wonderful thing.  Apparently once a year this tiny little harbor town takes a giant field and turns it into a carnival/crafts fair all in the name of the scallop.  Actually, nothing was themed to scallops, it just looked like a regular carnival and the craft fair sold everything from maple syrup cotton candy to GIANT person-sized FOMS.  I guess what makes it a scallop festival is that before or after or while you are enjoying all of these things you can go into the giant tent in the center, go to a giant makeshift kitchen in the back, and order a gigantic plate full of fresh fried scallops and other sides.  It said on a sign that this festival sells over 5 tons of scallops per year which was kind of amazing to me because I had this theory that if a mass war, Helms Deep style, broke out between the townsfolk and the scallops, on a numeric level the scallops would have kicked the human race's collective ass.  Regardless, scallops were delicious and that is all that matters.  So if you are a scallop fan, head on down to Mass in late September and keep an eye out for ads in the local newspaper.  Like I said, I can't tell you exactly where it is but that should be able to.  Oh, and if you don't like scallops you should go anyways for the other stuff.  Don't worry come dinner time, they have one line out of the myriad of scallop lines that serves whole grilled chickens.  Sorry vegetarians/vegans.  

Carson Farm: 

If you haven't already gotten the vibe this was a very quaint weekend in comparison to the past two weeks in some of the country's biggest metropolitan cities.  No late night bar hopping, no underground comedy clubs or rattling subways at sunrise, just makeshift carnivals, ice cream and movie nights and drives to the local bakery and ice cream shop.  It was incredibly refreshing.  That being said, I feel that the culmination of all this was at Carson Farm where we went apple picking for my cousin Bethany's birthday.  For 20 bucks a pop you get a large shopping bag and free reign to walk through giant groves of apple trees of all varieties, picking as many as you can stuff into the bag.  I have to say, there is nothing quite like eating fresh picked fruit.  I am a huge lover of a wide array of fruits and there is just something small but indescribable about eating an apple seconds after plucking it off the tree branches; one that you have to polish off yourself so that it goes from dull purple-pink to the familiar red and pale green in color.  Also, bonus, what else are you going to do with such an alarming amount of apples but make a ton of delicious apple products out of it like sauce, crisp, pie, and caramel apples?  WIN.  Depending on the season I heard they also do pumpkin, raspberry, and corn picking.  There is also a small animal farm (including some really inquisitive turkeys) and a farm stand full of produce, awesome halloween decorations, and the single coolest bubble maker I have ever seen.  

NAPLES, FLORIDA

Next stop on the AYJC pass-temporarily-turned-family-tour was retirement capital of the world, Naples, Florida to see my grandpa and uncle.  I haven't seen my grandpa since I was 11 and he is now an 89 year old man who still cracks jokes, breaks into the occasional small dance, and talks about the years he spent traveling the world while at the same time raising 6 boys.  Apparently he once had to do his taxes in the air over the Atlantic in one of those chair-beds in first class.  I have an awful lot of respect for him.  Now, although certain people (you know who you are) have specific instructions to murder me in a creative and epic way the second I get to a point in life where I am no longer able to eat, piss, work, or remember my own name on my own, if I did have to imagine choosing a place to retire to live out my last years, I could easily see why it'd be Florida.  Between the gorgeous beaches and glitzy outdoor shopping/dining plazas, the pharmacies and doctors offices on every street corner and the generally laid back, kind demeanor of its inhabitants , Naples is like the ultimate indefinite rest stop.  Not to mention the surplus of golf cart taxis.  I seriously think the longest distance I ever had to walk those few days was from my terminal at the airport to my uncle's car.  Normally this whole scenario, save spending time with my grandpa and uncle, would have been fairly boring for me (not an 80 year old rich woman with a toy poodle and giant diamond rings) if  not a little depressing.  However, the cold that had been racing to catch up with me ever since I started this crazy ass adventure finally hit and I spent a fair amount of my time in Florida probably less active and productive as most 80 year old rich women and in bed with a box of Nyquil and a steady supply of tissues.  Therefore, the golf taxis, surplus of pharmacies, and lazy pace actually ended up being a huge blessing in disguise.  So I guess the bottom line is that Florida is great if you are a kindly retired person looking for a bit of relaxation after a lifetime of bullshit or if you are a 21 year old with a shitty immune system and a free plane pass.  

There weren't really any actual places I went to in Naples that are unique enough to be worth talking about, the main reason I went was to visit with family.  My time was divided between my sickbed at my uncle's condo, my grandpa's retirement home, some pharmacies, and out to dinner at CPK.  I think most, if not all, of you guys have been to CPK and CVS at least once in your life, you don't need me to tell you about it.  But if you REALLY want me to:

The CVS in Florida sells the best postcards and the guy thought I was coming to the pharmacy to get something for my hair

Go to CPK and get the BLT pizza which I had serious misgivings about (mayo, tomatoes, bacon, lettuce on pizza....) but turned out to be fucking fantastic once my uncle got me to try a slice.  

There you go.  Also, there are beaches there that not only look exactly like the "Greetings from Paradise" postcards you see in Target but also have dolphins and fishing and awesome shells.  Go see those as well.  

Despite Popular Vote, Amauri Did NOT Die

A WORD FOR THOSE WITHOUT CARS

So before I leave NYC behind for the sandier, more Palm Tree-ridden pastures of LA once again, I feel a moment should be taken for NYC's subway system.  It is not like the LA transit system, where getting from  point A to point B requires 1-2 trains, 3 and a half buses, and possibly bringing your bike along just in case there is a "walking" portion on your google maps directions.  No, it actually goes in more then the 4 primary opposing directions.  Also they are all silver, and they are all labeled with big letters or numbers.   I don't know if you guys in LA have noticed this, but as I was getting onto my 4th train to get to downtown LA from La Puente, I realized that none of the trains/buses match color-coding names anymore.

Seriously, the Silver Line was an orange bus, the Blue Line was comprised of some old Gold Line cars, the new Gold, Orange and Red Line cars are all silver, and the Rapids are red.  Really Metro?

Anyways, I digress.  NYC metro (MTA) is the shit because to get from Harlem (where I was staying) to JKF Airport, which is comparable to getting from Studio City to Pasadena with a stop in Glendale (as was my daily trip to work this summer), this was the route.

-Walk 2 blocks from apartment to subway stop
-Plant ass on A train heading Downtown
-Arrive at JFK Airport station, catch airport tram to terminals

Now if I wanted to get from Hollywood to Pasadena:
-233 bus to North Hollywood Red Line station
-Red Line to Sunset/Vermont station
-780 to Brand st
-780 later to Pasadena

I'm just saying.  It was 4am and I had a little over an hour to kill on an airport bound A train, there was time to think about ridiculous shit like this.

LA: PART 2

Angeles Crest National Park

OK so here's the thing about this weekend.  The original plan was to have a lovely camping overnighter/nomadic dinner party hosted by Lea, Lo, and myself in the Santa Monica mountains at a place affectionately known as Top of the World.  However, you know who else thought it would be a great idea to spend their weekend up in these mountains?  SERIAL KILLERS.  Or at least, one particular serial killer who was let out on parole, promptly stabbed a woman to death, lit her home on fire then fled, armed, directly into our planned campsite.  After some quick pros and cons weighing ("could we take on a serial killer?" "we could totally take on a serial killer" "guys I don't want to die tonight" "its OK, Amauri would die first) we decided to scrap the plan and find a new camping site.  Cue Angeles Crest, about an hour out of LA in another set of mountains.  You know what else really likes spending time in these mountains?  BEARS.  Seriously, the website said "be BEAR-AWARE" and "BEAR SEASON."  There may have even been like a color code warning, "Terror Alert Red" style.  I can't remember.  Anyways, bears, we decided we could potentially handle better so armed with a pack of foam sabers and a hockey stick, we all embarked into the park.  Once you get over the possible threat of bears and serial killers and arson it is a really beautiful place.  Camp ground was 20 bucks total and it came with bathrooms, a fire pit, and park table/benches, we all had a grand ol'e time with s'mores, delicious food, and a ukulele and nobody died.  Not even Amauri, who spent all weekend predicting his own demise and who, had this been a badly-made stereotypical slasher flick, surely would have been the first to go.

Flappers Comedy Club/Fellowship!

Apparently this place is a pretty recent addition to the Burbank shopping center area and I honestly don't know much about it other then it was playing host to one of my favorite cult LA-bred musicals, Fellowship! a musical parody of the first Lord of the Rings movie.  This show literally started out with a small group of improvers/performers getting together with a few black boxes, some wigs, and a projector screen in a tiny blackbox theater in Hollywood and almost 2 years later it is now playing at the New York Musical Theater Festival here in the broadway district/near Times Square.  It is a truly fantastic little show that I've had the pleasure of seeing in its various production stages, for the first time a year ago in Burbank, then a month ago at Flappers, and now in NYC.  Go see it if you ever find yourself with the opportunity to do so, it is well worth it!  Especially if you are as big of a LotR geek as I was/am. Seriously, used to watch the first movie like once a week when it first came out, dressed up for the 3rd movie opening, owned an evanstar pendant, the whole shebang.  Pretty bad.

WASHINGTON

Washington state has a pretty special place in my heart because it is where my grandparents lived until they passed in the lat 90s and I used to go there regularly to visit them in this tiny little woodland town called Shelton.  When I say small, I do mean miniscule, like to a point where my grandpa was considered one of the town's most popular men because he owned the one and only local laundromat/dry cleaners and very few people had in-home washer/dryers so they all came down there for clean clothes.  Also their hospital was in the middle of the woods, up a long winding road which seems a little risky to me with the ambulances now that I think back on it but what're you gonna do.  Anyways, that all being said, this was my first time going back to the state since they died and I did not get near as much time as I would have liked there but I will post about a couple of places I used to frequent as a kid that I, unfortunately, didn't have time to revisit on this trip.

Mount Rainier 

Probably, hands down, one of the most beautiful, picturesque places I have ever been to.  Definitely the most beautiful hiking areas.  Long winding trails through sprawling green fields dotted with bright yellow and purple flowers with snowcapped mountains in the background, rocky climbs through pine forests, and some trails that ended in snowy glaciers are just some of the things I remember about this place.  It gets pretty hot there over the summer but on a cooler day this is pretty damn remarkable way to spend the day.  I'm pretty sure you can also camp overnight on the mountain but I have never done it personally.  Look, I am so admiring of this place there aren't even any sarcastic/snarky comments peppered through this blurb.  If nothing else, that alone should convince you to check this place out if you're ever in WA.

Shelton/Rural WA

Admittedly, its been at least 10 years since I've been out to Shelton so I have no idea how to get out there, or if you would even find anything out there if you did manage to find it but it is a prime example of the more quaint, country-esque areas of WA state.  Places where the roads between the houses are loose rock and gravel and just walking through the neighborhood is kind of like taking a hike with green fields and wild blackberry plants surrounding you on all sides.  There are so many blackberry plants in WA, it borders on obscene.  It is great though because you basically never have to spend money on food.  If you get hungry you just grab a bucket or basket, walk out the front door and walk a few blocks picking and eating enough blackberries to seriously throw the ratio of blackberry juice-blood in your system into question.  I can't stress enough how important it is to make time for the more rural, old school towns when traveling as you do for the big metropolitan areas.  Give up the bars, and shows, and street prowling for a day and go eat some fresh baked bread from a bakery that closes whenever their daily supply runs out, take a long hike in the mountains, and dip your toes in a lake and watch the sunset from your backyard.  It's the little things too, that count.

Comedy Underground 

A month of watching comedy shows of all shapes, sizes, and quality levels all over the country has done one thing: made me incredibly wary about comedy shows of all shapes, sizes, and quality levels all over the country.  Don't get me wrong, I have seen some great comics in shitty hole-in-the-wall club shows, and shitty ones at star-studded hot spots but there is no getting around the fact that there is nothing quite as painful as a bad comedy show that just adds insult to injury by implying a 2 drink minimum.  Especially when the cheapest drink on the menu is a 7 dollar can of BudLight.  That being said, when Travis and I got invited to an "amateur stand up comedy audition show" in a corner of Seattle red sirens and flashbacks of 2 hours of half-hearted dildo jokes while chugging ridiculously expensive cheap beer were blaring.  To my pleasant surprise, however, it ended up being an enjoyable evening.  Didn't necessarily have anyone literally choking with laughter (like the one time on the Comedy Cellar boat) but there were still a fair share of genuinely talented local performers.  Highlight: Man who did his whole act in nothing but a pair of tight-fighting boxers with a mildly dweeb-ish deadpan and a half-boner.  The club itself was cozy and the drink prices didn't make me want to shoot myself and everyone around me.  Always an added plus.

On that note, it is time for to go fuck off to the Meat Packing District of NYC for food (form your own conclusions as necessary.)  NEXT UP: Boston, MA, and Naples, FL

Also I didn't actually take that many pics of WA, except for the one above and this.  FAIL.  Enjoy.

More Proof of Life (for you non-believers out there)

I have 2-and some change-days of free high speed fancy hotel internet.  Depending on how much sleep I decide I need, there will most likely be an alarming number of updates within these two days.  I'm talking like a "well it seems pointless to close the window with how often this crazy lady is updating so I'm just going to keep the page open all the time and occasionally hit the refresh button" level.  Like you do on Facebook every now and  then (I know 99% of you have done this at least once in your life.  If not you are surprisingly immune to the social network and I admire you.)  Anyways, point being, you have been warned.

Moving on to

NYC: Part 2
*insert same intro from the first part here*

MET: Metropolitan Museum of Art 

Four gigantic labyrinths of floors full of wonderful artwork from every era/period under the sun.  Don't know if it is still there or not but added bonus was a GIGANTIC structure built by two rather ambitious gentlemen on the roof of the MET built entirely out of large bamboo poles and brightly colored bungee chords.  Apparently you can sign up for a guided tour of the structure that allows you to actually climb up into it and walk around on the various platforms and staircases.  Unfortunately we were too busy hiking through Central Park to get to the museum at the time of sign ups but the average museum-goer can still walk under what could be affectionately described as a child's ultimate Tinker Toy construction and admire it from the rooftop terrace that also boasts a spectacular view of midtown Manhattan.  In the building itself there's no shortage of cool shit to look at, from Picassos and Van Gohs, to authentic suits of medieval armor and THE largest, most badass looking sword I have ever seen.  However, the part they don't tell you about is that you have to work to look at such fantastic art.  You actually have to FIND it first.  Seriously, the recommended elevator to get to the roof was in the back of the gift shop and it only went to 2 of the 4 floors, roof not included.  That being said, if you actually manage to find the art you are looking for, you are in for a treat.  Get a map at the door and you'll be fine.  Also maybe a few water bottles.  Maybe a tent and some sleeping bags and a lantern and some TP.  Just in case.

Katz Deli: 


Where Harry met Sally.  Where Sally ate an orgasmic sandwich and had an orgasm (there's even a sign telling you the exact spot.)  And let me tell you guys, they make a pretty orgasmic sandwich.  Travis's and my gracious host/tour guide/friend/alien cat owner Allison took us here for the famed Pastrami Rueben (it was son Man v. Food, Adam Richman took a giant bite out of one as only he can, in my book that is enough to be considered famous) and ever since then all other Rueben sandwiches have been ruined for me.  Not that hard of a task seeing as how I don't normally like Ruebens but still, this one was delicious.  So was the Brisket Beef sandwich we all shared.  It's pretty expensive there but entirely worth it.  Once every few years or so, if you are as broke as I am.  If not, eat there as often as you like you lucky fuck and bring me back a sandwich.

The Olive Tree Cafe:

Located right above/attached to the Comedy Cellar in the West Village, home of some of the best bar food ever.  I am a genuine and sincere lover of buffalo/hot wings.  They are, hands down, one of my favorite junk foods and I made it a small side-mission on this trip to scour the country for a damn good buffalo wing.  That being said, the Olive Tree had, hands down, THE best hot wings I have so far had.  Anywhere.  Ever.  If that's not enough of a reason to go (for me it is, which is probably more concerning for my health then I am willing to admit) it also has decently priced beers in giant mugs, chalkboard tables you can drunkenly doodle on, and it is a good place for food before/after a show in the Cellar.  I recommend after because there is a 2 drink minimum in the club and then the tables become REALLY fun.

Broadway:

Now anyone who knows me knows that I am a broadway geek/officianado/enthusiast/obsessor/whatever you want to call it.  You don't even have to know me actually, you just have to look at my Ipod playlist to know.  Don't even have to click into them and search through the song titles, just scroll down the main screen for like 10 seconds and its like BAM musical theater is what this lady is into.  Normally my sparse trips to New York consist of massive theater binges that shove as many shows as physically possible into the week that I am there because I know it'll take me 3+ years to save up the for next one.  Anyways, so the fact that I had been in NYC twice in the past two weeks and had not yet seen a Broadway show was downright alarming to people.  In a nutshell: a decent full view seat is over 110 dollars nowadays.  A shitty partial view seat is still  60+ dollars at best.  Each show has a rush or lottery offering 25 dollar tickets but everyone is just as broke as I am and therefore in a sea of 100 or so people, I don't stand much of a shot at being one of the 10 or so people called for a ticket.  One fairly reasonable way around this is TKTS.  Located in the heart of Times Square (there are a couple other locations in NYC, one in Brooklyn and one by the Seaport I think) in the form of a giant glass structure that looks like a set of bleachers from the back, this stand is open for most of the day and offers a daily selection of day-of-only discount tickets for most of the Broadway and Off-Broadway shows (depending on popularity.)  They don't have any advance notifications of what shows will be offered and you can't buy for a future date, you've just got to go down to one of the three stands the day you want to see a show and see if they have what you're looking for.  If you see something that interests you, you get in a line that looks absurdly long but moves pretty quickly and you can buy premium seats that would normally be 120 for as much as 50% off.  I have had only good luck so far with the booth.  Never had to wait longer then 20 minutes, and always got pretty amazing seats as close to an hour before curtain (Next to Normal, Addams Family, and In the Heights so far.)  If you are as obsessed with theater as I am and don't want to rape your wallet (or at least, rape it as hard as you would with a full priced ticket) go here.  If you see an incredibly flamboyant gay man dressed in a pink and blue sailor suit giving out flyers ask to take a picture of him, thank me later.

Honestly I have a feeling there are more places then this but it is past 3AM here and I typed "flour" instead of "floor" on multiple occasions so anything I have forgotten I will write about in the NYC part 3 section.  G'night all, or good morning.  Or good afternoon, depending on what time zone you're in.  You know what I mean.

NEXT UP: LA-land, round 2.

IT'S NOT DEAD I PROMISE

So I realize that back when I first started this blog I made some predictions about how often new entries would be posted online.  My optimistic side said once every few days.  Pessimism said once per location.  Apparently my pessimism met my procrastination-happy, sleep deprived short attention span, fell in love with it, married it, and had many tiny lazy children that effectively prevented my brain from posting on this blog.

Also my computer died and spent most of this past month at the Mac doctors in LA with the Wi-Fi.

Those are the two excuses I'm throwing out there, take your pick.  ANYWAYS.

My computer and I have been joyously reunited, I am spending the next couple days in a swanky hotel with fast free internet, and it is high time for some UPDATING.  Here's how this is going to work: the pass ended as of last Wednesday (yeah, I know, pass finished, 2 blog entries.  Wow, really Mika?) but its OK because I have a sketchbook full of scribbled notes and a few days worth of high-speed to get it all online.  So, without further ado:

THE FIRST RIDICUlOUS COUNTRY-HOP

Remember that whole blurb about using the planes like buses for a month?  Well see, the first weekend of the pass sir Sam MacKinney decided to have a grand camping adventure in Joshua Tree national park for some bouldering, camping, and burning and these are all really enjoyable things so I thought hey, that's a 4ish hour trip.  That's not so bad.  Not too much worse then catching the 486 from La Puente to Glendale and planes are better because they have TVs and free soda!  It'll be just like taking the bus, only it'll be a 747 instead of the 486 and it'll be crossing the country instead of the LA valley.  DONE.

LOS ANGELES: Part 1

LA is a lot like NYC for me: a turbulent roller coaster of a relationship that can be just as skull fucking as it can be joyous with just a hint of filth and abuse but not enough to make you seriously follow through on the constant threats to leave it forever.  You know what I'm talking about, the relationship you stay in more out of familiarity and comfort than anything.  That and a deep-set love that spends half its time buried in whatever dregs of the brain you've shoved it into because it is the closest thing to a home that you've ever had.  Most of the people and places I care about most are in LA, or at least I met and got to know them there.  I spend most of my time nowadays trying to get out and found a pass that let me do just that in a really remarkable way.  The 2-3 times I found time to come back I always looked forward to it.

JOSHUA TREE: Jumbo Rocks

The name says it all.  Piles and piles of gigantic rocks spread about the desert like a quarry from hell.  The overall landscape it creates is actually pretty spectacular.  Barren stretches of desert speckled with nothing but brush, Joshua Trees, (surprising I know) and towering mountains of boulders that bring about images of crashing meteors and mushroom clouds and anything else destructive enough to make the scene in front of you.  The cool thing about Joshua Tree is that for the low low price of 5-10 dollars a car (can't remember exactly) and another equally small fee for a camping pass campers of any and all varieties can have a fantastic time.  If you are a camper of the more extreme: I'M NOT A MAN UNLESS I BUILD MY SHELTER WITH NOTHING BUT THESE PALM FRONDS, THE WOOD SLATS I JUST WHITTLED MYSELF, AND MY RAGE variety, you can just fuck off into the desert for a couple days and the rangers won't start worrying about you until a few hours after your scheduled check out date.  Think "camping" means taking your queen sized tempur pedic mattress and matching, silk covered pillows into anything that falls under the term "natural, unfiltered air"?  For a little extra money you can pay for your own neat little cluster of boulders, a flat expanse in front of them for tent etc, park tables, benches, and stove/fire pit, and even a local bathroom that doesn't scare you to a point of intentionally dehydrating yourself to minimize needs to piss.  So regardless of what kind of camper you are, you are pretty much set in Joshua Tree.  After that the sky is the limit as to activities.  Incredible bouldering/hiking/rock climbing, gorgeous sights, and good company around a roaring campfire in the dead of night are only a few of the pleasures.  So if you're itching to go somewhere even hotter and drier then LA, head out to Joshua Tree.  It's worth it, I think.

Then again I left NYC at 4am to land in LA by noon and be back on a plane for NYC by that time the following day so maybe my judgement shouldn't be all that trusted.

NEXT UP: NYC Part 2, and LA part 2.  Also maybe Washington if I am feeling particularly ambitious. Either way I'm probably going to write this in the next 12 hours so you won't have to wait terribly long.

They Lost the Plane...... Is That Normal?

TRAVEL

So here's the thing folks, Jetblue is REALLY good at giving amazing deals that allow the poor college students of the world like yours truly to travel their respective impulsive asses off.  $25 dollar one-way tickets from LAX-JFK, $20 dollar tickets and donation cups of coffee for the crew (no, seriously) to travel up and down the coast, and of course, the AYCJ pass.  Seriously, in the fly-for-basically-nothing-like-the-Australians department, Jetblue basically wins.  That being said, you know what they are not really fantastic at?  Not losing their planes.  Gonna be honest here, when it comes to keeping track of their Airbuses or Boeings, Jetblue kind of takes a large object and rams it repeatedly up their own asses as well as the asses of their patrons instead of watching the little blinking dots on their air traffic control systems.

9:30pm- Travis and I head downstairs to our terminal to check in.  We are informed that the plane is delayed for unexplained reasons.  We go back upstairs for a beer.
9:55pm- Scheduled departure of flight to Boston.  Still upstairs with beer.
10:30pm- Plane: still not in SF, not even in CA.  M and T: beer.
11:00pm- Announcement over intercom: "Flight update: Your flight to Boston has apparently stopped in San Jose for fuel, the flight to JFK is circling the airport trying to figure out how to land, the flight to Ft. Lauterdale has landed, we are just not sure where yet.  That's all the info we have for now."
Midnight- "Flight for Boston is in the air from San Jose, should be here soon."  Ft. Lauterdale is still no where to be found.
12:15am- FOUND FT. LAUTERDALE PLANE
12:30am- Met some friendly fellow AYCJ-ers in the terminal.  Travel plans are discussed and group yoga poses are practiced.
1:00am- "So your flight to Boston has landed....in Oakland.  It should be leaving for here in a few minutes."
1:45am- Zzzzzzzzzzzzz
1:50am- "FREE WATER BOTTLES!"
1:55am- Zzzzzzzzzzzzz
2:00am- BOSTON FLIGHT LANDED
2:45am- Take off

Roughly 14 hours (inc. time difference), 1 plane from Boston-JFK, 2 subway trains, one sausage biscuit, and about 1000 swear words later, we arrive safely in Harlem, NYC.

NEW YORK

I have a deep-rooted, dramatic, silly relationship with this city.  It's like that old lover you can't seem to stay away from.  It is dirty, and annoying, and untrustworthy, and unfaithful but you are still insanely attracted to it and it will always have that permanent place in your heart.  I have always had a love/hate relationship to New York.  I could ramble on and on like a sappy pre-teen Twilight fan about this but before you all start sending me airborne super viruses through Facebook (I'm imagining there is a way to do that nowadays...who uses mail anymore) before killing yourselves violently, I will stop with this: New York is a filthy, heaving beast of a city and I will forever be inexplicably in love with it.  I am glad to be back after 3 long years away.

Instead of posting a long winded day to day play by play (heh, rhyme) because frankly, I am exhausted and I have to get on a train in 1 hour to catch a flight out of JFK, I am going to list some of the pretty epic places/people we have checked out so far that you should check out too if you are ever in this fine city.

T-Berry: the Greatest Storyteller in the World- If you find yourself in the West Village, you may stumble across a tall, slightly wild-eyed looking black man in a camel colored sports jacket with a sign asking you to please stop for T-Berry: the Greatest Storyteller in the World.  Guys, STOP. Greatest in the world?  Being still fairly un-traveled, I can't say, but I will vouch, possibly with my life (or at least a few years of it), that he is a damn good storyteller.  If there is a smaller, raspy-voiced black man in silvery sunglasses, a black suit and a straw boater hat with him, stop for him too.  He is a friend of T-Berry's, homeless, and a comedian who's most important beliefs are that I like black cock more than white and that the most important things in life are laughter and friendship, and if you can find the opportunity to spread and share laughter with your loved ones then you have it pretty fucking good.  If that's not a good enough reason to give these guys a few minutes of your time, his jokes are funny too, and if you ask nicely, T-Berry might tell you about the time that Peter Revere fucked his way to death, shaking his ass the whole way the way he told us.  Google T-Berry, he has info somewhere on the interweb that tells you where he will be o the streets.

The Comedy Cellar- Also in the West Village is the Comedy Cellar, an underground bar/restaurant/performance space that looks like a medieval dungeon and a Scottish pub made love and crapped out a comedy club.  Cover is a bit expensive (10 bucks+2 item minimum per person) but every night at 9 and 11pm there is an hour and a half stand up comedy show filled to the brim with world renowned talent that are hilarious, especially after 2 mandatory drinks.  Maybe that is the point of the 2 item minimum rule, who knows.  Either way, it is entertaining as fuck and not only did I leave amused and intoxicated, but I left with my own show entitled Mika: Black in the Back, an auto-biographic tale about my 1/2 black name, my full black ass, and all told in broadway-style song.
comedycellar.com

Brooklyn Museum- Pretty straightforward.  Impressive exhibits (Andy Warhol, MUMMIES, African Art etc) spread out over 5 floors of this picturesque looking building in downtown Brooklyn.  If you feel like being classy and productive for a day, head on down.  Only go to the bathroom before-hand, the ones there are insanely hard to find.  Maybe the fact that I really needed to take a piss and was entirely lost in a room full of mummies and scriptures from the Book of the Dead had something to do with it, who knows.
www.brooklynmuseum.org

S'Mac: Remember in the movie Ratatouille, when the anorexic, grey food critic eats a bite of the Ratatouille and zooms into that flashback where he is super sad but his mother makes him that dish and he's suddenly full of nostalgic, fluffy bliss?  This restaurant is basically that.  It like the Mac n Cheese equivalent of the Burger Bar in Vegas, Slaw Dogs in Pasadena, Chipotle etc but 1000 times better because despite the fact that you are eating shit like brie and figs and other things you would have plugged your nose at in childhood, you still feel like a 10 year old again eating a favorite meal after a scraped knee or bad day at school.  If you are anywhere near the Village, or anywhere near NYC, or anywhere near the East Coast, or a plane that could take you to the East Coast, go to S'Mac.  Maybe watch Ratatouille before-hand.
www.smacnyc.com

Magnolia Bakery-  Most amazing cupcakes ever.  Like Sprinkles only without the giant line of celebrities and the really awkward walk through downtown Beverly Hills to get there.  One of the few cupcake places I've been to where you not only want to eat the entirety of the giant mound of frosting on top, but you want to ask for an extra bowl of it to eat on the way home.
magnoliabakery.com

Parks- NYC is FILLED with parks.  There are so many parks, I am on the verge of theorizing that they are spawning.  That being said, take a day or two, walk around and explore some.  NYC is great because the subway and your feet will ACTUALLY take you anywhere you need to go, unlike LA.  We stopped by Union Square Park and saw a man with an extremely high voice do a jump-flip over 6-8 people standing in a row.  If nothing else, that should get you up off your asses.  Nature still exists, promise.

So that is Part 1 of this New Yorkian adventure.  I am about to head off to the Californian desert for 24 hours but then I will be back for a second dose.  Everyone keep your fingers crossed for JetBlue's air traffic controllers, $25 dollars in travel credit from the good airline folks is not quite enough for me to be OK with lost planes.

HEY HEY HEY

So as some of you may or may not know, I am about to embark on an adventure of ridiculous proportions thanks to the good, and godly, folks at JetBlue and a little thing called their All You Can Jet passes.  A decent amount of people probably know about this to some degree (excessive Facebook-whorage for ticket money, catches of excited babbling on the wind that may have gotten you thinking about ghosts and just how annoying they could be etc etc) but if you do not: Mika got this pretty epic little card that is basically a month-long bus pass for PLANES and will be using it to travel like a madman for the month of September.

What this is guys, is a month to take my impulsive, couch-hopping tendencies to an entirely new and alarming level (why do the typical morning donuts-coffee-work run across a city when you can do it across a COUNTRY) and I would be remiss to not document the living shit out of it.  Preliminary ambitiousness says I will put up a new post for each location visited, brimming with tons of intriguing, unusual shit.  There will be photos.  There will be rambling galore.  There may even be video, if my camera cooperates. Should this be a rare case of extreme motivation to a point of fault, it will be short posts 5 or so days a week.  Depends on how much I value sleep in any given week, or if airport WiFi is as good as their websites brag they are.

That being said, this is not just electronic artillery against my ever-failing long term memory.  Hopefully it might prove entertaining, informative, or at least act as  an acceptable form of procrastination, to others as well.  Also, if you know of something in any given area that you think is/sounds pretty fantastic, put it up here in a comment and I will check it out.  Maybe I will even make a small cardboard cut out of you and take a picture of it at said location.  Seriously guys, someone recommended a ranch on the east coast that is comprised entirely of miniature animals (tiny cows, folks, TINY COWS)  and I am looking into contact information.  I am all ears.  I want to be like Mike Rowe, Anthony Bourdain, and Adam Richman all rolled into one tiny Asian woman with an ancient laptop instead of her own TV documentary show.

ANYWAYS, enough of this preliminary overview bullshit

Destination 1: New York City